Initially, I had the idea for this in July of 2025, on a flight back from Toronto to my ‘new’ home of Seattle. Leaving my family is always a bittersweet feeling. I once told a homesick friend that flying the nest is an important part of everyone’s life journey:
I felt this unspoken understanding between my family and I that my leaving showed how well they’d raised me and how strong I was to be able to face the world on my own two feet.
Being away is hard, but knowing I have the encouragement of my family to conquer the world is the best, but I digress…
Despite the adventures the last four years of life have brought me, I’m at a time where family, warmth, and community are shaping up to be a large part of my core value set, and it’s because I’m finding these things in other people that I’m reminded of all the love my family’s given me over the years. This is demonstrated many ways, but some things are both a given and unsaid - they’ve brought me immense comfort over the years.
Airport pickup and drop-off
Whether it be the middle of a workday, a dumb 6AM flight I booked, or the worst traffic possible, I have never needed to find my way to or from the airport and never had to ask for the ride either. It’s always been a given that mom or dad (often both) would bring me to or from my latest journey.
I think that this knowledge that in certain ways I’ll always be cared for gives me a lot of strength to go out into the world and live my life. I don’t have to sweat the small details or take a bus from the airport after a long flight. I get to be welcomed with open arms and bright smiles, and it literally brings me to tears knowing I have something so special.
For my sister, friends, and eventual family, I realize it’s my duty to do the same. In this small way, I hope the people I love can feel the same warmth my parents have given me for countless years.
The Porch Lights
I didn’t often go out irresponsibly late in my teenage years, but in a family with freedom to do what I wanted, there were certainly some parties and adventures that kept me up past my parents’ bedtime. Sometimes they’d stay up to make sure I was safe (dumb, go to bed mom), but any time they wouldn’t, one guarantee is that the porch light would be on. Sometimes I’d come home tired, drunk, or disheveled - regardless, seeing the only lit streetlight be my house’s always signified:
We waited for you. Welcome back home.
It seems so dumb and simple - just flick on a light before you head upstairs for bed - but it meant so much to me those nights. Despite being 26 and no longer living at home, my parents still leave those lights on when I visit and come home late. I don’t think we’ve ever talked about it, but it’s warmed my heart every time.
Cold food
I don’t miss dinner anymore, but growing up as a defiant teenage boy who likes video games means you’re constantly late for dinner - whether you forget, promise otherwise, or play ‘one more game’, sometimes a 7:30 family dinner ends up being 9:30 with a disgruntled mother who put a lot of love into her food.
Despite having this ass of a child, my mom would wait at the dinner table or in the living room until I was down for dinner, heat up the food she’d made, and sit with me as I ate. Every. Single. Night.
Maybe you can argue that my parents should’ve been stricter, or let me eat my dinners alone, but instead, I was met with kindness that I didn’t even deserve. I don’t miss dinners anymore, but it will take me more than a lifetime to repay all the ones I did miss. I hope that I can embody this same patience with the kids I eventually have, because despite my inexcusable behavior, my mom chose warmth every time.
Closing thoughts
There are many ways that people show love, but I think these ones in particular stand out to me as ones that I’ve had the privilege to experience. As I close this piece, there’s a bit of longing to be a kid again - to skip one more dinner so I can sit with my frustrated-but-patient mom or to have one more late night so I can tell the uber driver ‘the one with the lights on’. I love my family and I’m glad that I still get to experience some ‘givens’ but I hope this served as a reminder to both me and others to choose warmth whenever you can - whether they realize it at the moment or not, the recipient will be replenished because you did.1